TWL Classics - Creepy Crawlies

Originally Posted October 2008


One of those special moments in hunting happens at dawn. The increasing light improves your visual acuity as you begin arranging the shapes and outlines of the woods, pushing aside your imaginations. Slowly, you survey the environment and realize on a turn of the head, hanging there, mere centimeters from your nose – and yes, I went metric to convey the seriousness of the situation – is one of those night spiders as hairy as, and as large as, a brown bat.

You contemplate your next move, half expecting it to drop the nightjar it’s eating and snarl, revealing a row of fangs and snot not unlike the giant squid at the end of the second Pirates of the Caribbean. The more emasculating aspect is you’re toting a rifle capable of downing a bull elk at 300 yards, but is utterly useless on this beast.

Just be glad it’s not a banana spider. I caught one roughly the dimensions of a snow crab crawling up my leg one morning last year and if I’d had a baseball bat, I would’ve cracked my femur beating that thing off me. And walking into their web is like getting tangled in kite string.

Don’t think I’m the only sissy. A few weeks ago hunting in Sarasota, one member in the party employed his mastery of profanity in relaying to us the violent consequences if any of us put a spider on him, or similar jokes. Trust me, if this guy landed a punch, a spider bite would be the least of your concerns.

Really, I don’t enjoy the company of any arachnids. I still have difficulty sleeping thinking about the Skull Island-sized scorpion that crawled out from under a foam arm rest on a stand in Manatee County. You could’ve put it in the lobster tank and no one would notice.

The thing about the local scorpions, though, if you get stung, it only hurts for ten minutes or so. Can’t say the same about snakes. Snakes – and I care not what any herpetologists may say – are evil. Luckily, you don’t see snakes like spiders. If they hung coiled from webs I’d stop going outdoors, period.

If a snake tags you, odds are, you were doing something you shouldn’t have been. I’ve come up with a fool-proof plan to avoid getting bit – I deny they even exist as I tromp through the woods. Other hunters I know see serpents all the time. I may look like I’m politely paying attention to their stories; really, I’m sitting on the beach with a Corona listening to the waves and terns, or in other such Happy Places.

All these creepy-crawlies hinder sleepy time. I’m well-known for sleep-throwing pillows at dreamed snakes, spiders, and other vermin. Cabin mates have heard me yelling, then the “whump” of a pillow hitting the wall. Yes, the teasing hurts, but at least I’m safe.

Fortunately, neither snakes nor spiders stay active once the weather turns cold, so I hunt worry-free through most of deer season. They resurface in spring turkey, which is fine. A 12 gauge primed with #5’s is an excellent snake and spider repellant system.

Trail Camera Photos

Our Polk County lease is void of deer. It has a few turkey. Quite a few hogs. And apparently an unseemly number of raccoons. I finally broke down and bought a Covert II Assassin trail camera a few weeks ago and hung it by my bump feeder.

So far I am very pleased with the camera. It takes great photos, is a cinch to adjust and easy on battery consumption. I'll wait a few months before I totally endorse it, but right now the rig is five-star.

It's taken nearly 5000 photos of hogs, raccoons, and one armadillo, mostly at night or early morning. Wish there were more hope-fueling daylight shots, but my stand was - I came to find out - worked pretty hard through the summer. May take a while to restore their confidence. Also haven't picked up on any huge boars yet which isn't totally surprising but did think would happen.

I'm very disappointed no turkey pics have been snapped. They have been hitting the dove field pretty regularly, though. And the hog action has settled down over the last week as they seek the plentiful acorns.

So here are a few photographs. The white and spotted hog with the shoats is dead meat first chance I get. I have hundreds of pics of her and her youngin's. They've consumed a silo's worth of corn. She actually looks pregnant in the recent pics.

Ah, who knows, I may let her slide.

Thick as thieves, these two are



A different spotted hog who is a glutton





And, the No-Ear Hog

Florida Hunter Shot with Arrow

How do these things happen? Three possibilities:

1. Drugs and/or alcohol

2. A ill-conceived prank or joke that went horribly, horribly wrong.

3. Attempted murder.

Outside of this list, there is no adequate alternative I can accept, because if you have the common sense and intelligence God gave cole slaw, you ought to be able to distinguish a deer from your camo-clad buddy at archery distance regardless of your level of hunting experience. I guess that's a Big If for some folks.

The FWC and local law enforcement needs to warrant this case more than a quick once-over. Even if it was purely accidental, the shooter probably shouldn't be allowed to handle anything more dangerous than a feather duster the rest of his life. Pretty sad and pretty pathetic. Glad the victim will be OK.

Just a cautionary tale to remind everyone to pay attention in the woods this fall. A lot of bozos out there.

Hunter mistaken for deer shot with arrow

Florida Deer Journal 2010 - Bowhunting Dumpfuggle

No, I have no idea what that title means. Thought of it on another fruitless sit Sunday morning. I also can’t figure out this last weekend bowhunting at Duette in Manatee County.

Here’s a situation that appeared just perfect for a successful deer hunt - the air was cool and dry under the high pressure system that has settled across the country; the pre-rut is about to start; acorns are Plinko-ing down the oaks. As a deer hunter – or someone arrogant enough to dispense advice on deer hunting – this is how you’d draw up a hunt on the chalkboard.

I mean, there was nothing moving. Unlike two weeks ago when turkeys scared off my deer, the forest was empty. No deer, no turkey, no hogs, no Therma-Cell fumes-induced hallucinations of unicorns or flying dogs. 13 hours of sitting on the stand staring at nothing and thinking of dirty parody lyrics to Christmas songs.

I have a few theories on why the deer weren’t frolicking in front of my stand.

1. The hammock has changed. Three or four years ago, the park managers burned the palmetto flat on the south side of the hammock that drew the deer into the open to feed on the new growth. Combined with the acorn harvest, it was a buffet the game could not pass up. The flat has matured greatly since then, and the edibles have been choked by the waxy, obnoxious palmettos.

Sitting in the stand, I could hear acorns plopping down into the creek behind me. Since it is early in the year, much of the swamp vegetation these deer eat is still growing. The deer don’t have much cause to leave their hidey-holes during the day. I suppose I could move back into the swamp. I should move, but don’t really want to either (I'll explain below).

This is forever a problem with hunts like this when you have limited time to scout. Scouting in February is good because you can get a clearer view of trails and old rubs, and stinking up the joint wandering around just isn’t a big deal. You rely on the history of hunting an area. I failed to recognize that this changes. My success in the past has relied on finding this spot then doing my best not to disturb it for fear of putting pressure on the deer.

Which brings me to...

2. I’m getting help hunting this area. Saturday afternoon I heard a truck on the other side of the swamp banging around. Ten minutes later I could hear the unmistakable clanging of a climber stand ascending a tree. Even though I said above I should have probably hunted the swamp, doing so depends on serious stealth. As I’ve written before, swamps breathe. The moisture traps scent and the breeze swirls it throughout the oaks. It’s a high-risk situation, and if you have any intentions of hunting more than once in this area, probably not the best plan. Deer unseen pick up on this phenomenon in a hurry, and it does not take them long to totally maneuver around set-ups. I heard a couple deer blow Saturday evening at these other hunters to the upwind side of me.

Also on Saturday evening, I had already walked to my stand, but Dad hung by the truck for a little while longer. He said he was sitting there and had two hunters approach with climbers on their back. When they saw the truck and Dad, they started cursing and moped back from where they came. Undoubtedly, they were the ones who hung the green flagging tape in my hammock. Dad recognized them. Their trick is to tape off multiple areas and use their climbers to hunt thereby never committing to the two spots Duette Park mandates. I’d love to wrap their truck in that tape.

3. It was just one of those weekends. There is probably a combination of the guesses above that contributed to the lack of activity this weekend, but something larger was at work, too. The biologist at the check station said that nobody has been seeing much yet. One guy had brought in a 6 point and a doe hung from the cleaning rack Saturday evening, but as of leaving Sunday morning, that had been about it. It is still early. I noticed a couple rudimentary rubs leaving the hammock Sunday. The deer are just being deer, and hopefully my next hunt there in November when the rut is cranking will result in more action.

I'll be there, for sure.

The Dove Opener

It wasn’t Argentina, but this weekend’s Opening dove hunt was what I’ve always loved about a dove hunt. We shot some birds. We shot at some birds. Travis grilled venison burgers and sausage before the shoot. Some guys shot bows; others looked through trail camera pictures and swapped hunting stories.

Around 4 the shooting began in earnest. Over the previous few months, we’d watched birds pile in and out of our small plot. Now, these residential dove flew towards the millet in groups of three and four, circling the field as the field artillery banged away to shouts of “Bird, Bird!!”

I maintained by shotgun ineptitude. A few dove died on accident, though, and I am excited to grill a few in the coming days. We agreed to allow the plot to rest until the start of the second phase. No doubt it will see hunting pressure then as, hopefully, migratory birds find the field.

But with so many other outdoor things going on in November and the Summer’s Anticipation quenched, it won’t be the same experience as the Opener.


Florida’s Dove Hunting Season

Season: First Phase - October 2-25, 2010
Second Phase - November 13-28, 2010
Third Phase - December 11, 2010 - January 9, 2011
Shooting Hours: First Phase - Noon to sunset
Second & Third phases - One-half hour before sunrise to sunset
Bag Limit (daily/possession): 15/30 (singly or in aggregate)